JASMINE AIKEY: REMEMBERING MY WHY
My parents always told me, when I was ready to be done with soccer I could be. No if ands or buts. But, injury after injury, my love for soccer never wavered.
Broken Wrist.
Torn Meniscus.
Torn Cartilage.
Osteitis Pubis.
Broken Fibula.
Every injury felt like a setback but I stayed focused on coming back. For me, taking advantage of the time as much as I could to do the hard work of recovery was critical. Staying grounded in the present and just putting my all into whatever I was doing now made recovery easier. Making those little steps of progress continued to turn into tangible goals that I was able to set my sights on as I went into PT everyday.
Each injury has prompted self reflection but at the end of the day, I love playing a game where I can express myself creatively and competitively. I love being on a team where there is constant support alongside incredible talent. I truly just love soccer.
Looking back on my journey, soccer almost didn’t happen. The year I was supposed to start playing AYSO, my family missed signups. Luckily, a year later, I still wanted to give soccer a shot so we made sure to be at sign ups that time around. From the moment I stepped onto the field, I loved it.
No matter where I was on the field, which at that age was everywhere even between the goal posts at one point, I was having fun. After joining a club team in the Bay Area, things really started to kickstart for me. Not only did I meet some of my best friends, one being Elise Evans who I still play with at Stanford, but I also experienced my first injury.
A push from behind sent me into the ground where I fell right on my hand. My wrist broke. I ended up being okay, plus the cast was really cool since I was in peak elementary school. Walking around the school halls with a cast those days basically made you a celebrity. Even with the high points, that injury showed me the very beginning of what would later become a journey or injuries and adversity that I would have to face along the way.
For the next few years I moved around teams, sticking closely with the same group of girls I played with. The biggest move came when I went to play for the Earthquakes girls academy. This was the kind of team that got people scouted. While playing there I ended up getting looks from many colleges but also the National Team system.
But, this was also the team where I faced my first major injury. As 12, I tore my meniscus and had to get my first of many knee surgeries. While the recovery only took about three and a half months this tested my strength as a player and person. I had to go to rehab and work with a therapist to get back on the field. Day after day my dad drove me to all different appointments and supported me on my recovery which I am endlessly grateful for.
One message from my therapist during that recovery that has stuck with me to this day was, “ If you really want to get back out there, doing the work on your own at home is what's gonna get you back.”
Just a year after coming back from that injury I committed to Stanford and went on to play the rest of my club career with minimal injury. I trained hard on the field during practices but also poured hours into extra training after hours. Those self-motivated training fostered not only my deep love for the game but made me stronger. With all my energy put into soccer, I started to get called into National Team camps, which led to missing many days of middle school. In eighth grade, my parents and I decided to do homeschooling so that I could continue to grow as a player. My homeschooling allowed me to skip a grade, and I entered Stanford a year earlier than originally intended.
Growing up I played with people like Allie Montoya, Elise Evans, Amalie Pianim and other girls on the current Stanford team. They were all a year above me, so when I had the credits to graduate early, it just made sense to start college with the group I knew.
As with most freshman years, it was an adjustment. The year hit me hard with many highs and lows and there were times where I didn’t quite know how I fit into the team at Stanford. Once I found my rhythm, I had a breakout season. I ended up starting 16 of the 22 games I played in and scored 10 goals, four of them coming in one game. Unfortunately, those four goals came with an injury attached to them.
After scoring the goals, I hit a celebration a little too hard. I landed wrong on my knee and almost immediately knew something was off. The season ended a week later with one final game, which I played in and confirmed that something was off with my knee. I was told that I had a bone bruise which resulted in an MRI. The MRI showed torn cartilage from a previous injury. At 17, I had to get my second knee surgery to clean up the cartilage. Although the bruise hurt, it was a blessing in disguise to catch the cartilage before it got worse.
Once again, recovery was short and each day I felt motivated to get back to the pitch. I missed the winter season but made it back just in time for spring games. And as soon as I got back I had the opportunity to play at the U-20 CONCACAF World Cup qualifying after other injuries left spots on the roster open. Those games were crucial when I was coming back and I felt on a high as the summer passed into my sophomore season which ended up being a phenomenal year for me.
When the team came back for winter training I was excited and ready to go, still coming down from the high of the season. But, about a week into training I started to have pain in my hip. It slowly spread to my groin and lower back. After a week I told the trainers and from there I was hit with my hardest injury yet.
Different trainers and doctors bounded around various diagnoses. No timelines for recovery were shared. It felt like I was stuck. Eventually, I was diagnosed with Osteitis Pubis which is not a straightforward recovery like my other injuries had been. I was hit with setbacks, extended recovery, and no idea when I would be back on the field. Doctors, shots, scans, and maybe even a surgery. Through it all I stuck strong with PT, the goal still focused on getting back to the field.
There were times during this recovery where that focus waivered. I found myself asking how much do I really want to do this again? Am I ever gonna be healthy again? Not being able to see a light at the end of the tunnel was scary. The uncertainty of not being able to come back to the game I had poured myself into for years was hard to wrap around.
Over six months later and the start of my junior season, I was barely cleared to play. The season felt long, with something always hurting or flaring up. I felt like each day was a fight to get through with my body never feeling fully recovered. The season powered on and I played decently despite the pain, but in our second to last regular season game another injury came sliding in.
A forward on the opposing team tackled me from behind out of nowhere. The moment her leg collided with my shin, I knew the season was over for me. In that moment, pain seared through my body and all I could think of was that I wanted my dad. My parents had been my rock through each and every injury, I knew this one would be no different.
Somehow I walked off the field and 48 hours later I was back in California getting surgery for a broken fibula. I ended up with a plate and screws being put in which would later cause problems of their own but for now set me on the road to recovery. Being injured is hard because you have to become reliant on others. When we got back to California, I didn’t have it in me to crutch all the way back to the bus so Haley Craig, one of my teammates, pushed me on a luggage cart all the way out there.
A week after my surgery I was walking with a boot and a week after that without one. The recovery was very straightforward which I was grateful for because had there been the unknown of the previous injury, I may not be playing anymore.
This injury, although not the worst, pushed me to do a lot of self reflection. Watching my team continue on the season in the College Cup, and make an impressive run, was exciting. But, it was hard to watch from the sidelines.
During this past injury, it was really just looking inwardly.
Why do I wanna play soccer?
What is my drive to do this?
Am I just doing this because people expect me to?
But watching my teammates go through that last, back half of the season and just grind away was really inspiring. I knew that the reason I came to Stanford was to win a national championship and I wanted one more go at it. I just wanted to give my best foot forward and that was what I was gonna do. I would do extra training with my dad, hit the weight room, anything I could to stay motivated.
For me just putting in a little bit every single day and knowing that eventually I was going to get a big reward out of it was the driving factor to keep me focused. That’s the place I’m still at right now. Recovering and setting my sights on the season ahead. Obviously there have been setbacks, so you can't get too caught up in the end product, but having something to look forward to has made everyday a little easier. For me, it was as simple as I’m going to run for 10 minutes straight and see how that goes. Tangible goals are the best way to not get lost in recovery.
Even after all those injuries, I still love soccer.
I love the game.
I love my team.
I love Stanford.
And who knows, maybe next year we will add another national championship to the collection.
